Just Words.

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”

~ Mark Twain

You know, at this very moment i should be that cold, heartless bitch that you could’ve ended up turning me into. But, in the end, i only want the best for you, even though you deserve the absolute worst. Don’t go after or wifey up no busted-ass bitch just because you’re lonely (or because your dick is lonely); you’re supposed to do better than your last, not worse you fucking idiot. Don’t hop from bitch to bitch, because when you finally meet that one woman you’ve been looking for since your first love, she won’t want with you with all that mileage. Stop fucking around when you have a good woman by your side, who does nothing but be loyal to her king; if you keep thinking your future wife is still out there somewhere, don’t play mind games with these girls and let them go before they end up falling so deep in love with your dumb ass. Don’t make them promises when you guys are having a good time, and don’t make decisions when you’re angry..(because we both know no ordinary bitch could handle that). And stop being afraid to give your all and to fall so utterly and helplessly in love again; you told me i taught you learn how to love again and you even admitted to your mother in front of me that you love me.. it takes a lot of courage to say things like that, and to this day i still don’t know whether that was the truth or just more lies, but if it was true, then do it for me. Let another woman help you to bring out the best you were meant to be. Stop going to AC and wasting your money so you can get wasted with your boys and these other busted-ass hoes. Don’t be afraid to take a few steps back to re-evaluate yourself, because honestly, the rate you’re going at scares me. Beb just stop.. take a step back.. and breathe.

One of those moments.

I am currently so scared for my academic career, i think i might just cry. I’m scared i won’t be able to succeed as much as i’ve been planning to. I’m scared that i’m going to disappoint my parents and that i won’t be able to take care of them. I want so much to drop out of school.. take a semester off and travel anywhere and everywhere.. maybe even drop out for good, but i can’t bear to do that to my parents. I think at this point, they are the sole reason why i haven’t done it yet.

And can i just say.. I miss you. Although i hate you with a burning passion for everything that you did to me, all the intentional and non-intentional things, i miss you. And i miss how calm and comfortable you were able to make me feel with just a simple touch, because i really need that right now. I hate everything about you and i miss everything about you (excluding your sociopathic-ness and fucking abusiveness) all at the same time. There’s a war inside my head on the daily. You wish you could forget these memories? I do too, you motherfucking bastard. I miss you idiot.

I just astounded myself with the bipolar-ness of what i wrote.

“In 3 words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.”

It doesn’t matter how fucked up a situation gets, and it probably matters even less how low you get to feeling. Life will go on, regardless of if you’re still on board or not. It won’t matter the least bit if you’re stuck living in the past because shit will move on, and you can either stay reliving memories in your head, or you can get your shit together and keep goin’ on too.

“And i heard you’re doin’ you, and you heard I’m doin’ better.”